Wednesday, December 10, 2008

It's thought that counts

These are the gifts that make the Insomniac household unique and my life would  be less bright without them.  

Item 1.

The popular monkey surgeon sculpture.  

This was actually given to Mr. Insomniac's brother from their parents who in turn gave it to Mr. Insomniac as a gag gift.  Mr. Insomniac's supposed to mail it back at some point in a large box buried with mounds of styrofoam peanuts, but we just can't part with it.

Item 2.

One day Mr. Insomniac called me at work, 
Him:  Our neighbor gave you a present.  
Me:  Oh?  What is it?  
Him: A piece of art.  
Me:  Why are you laughing? 
Him:  I just think it's funny how much he likes you.  
Me:  Hmm.  Where did it come from?
Him:  His brother made it - it's an original piece of art.
Me:  Really?   Would I like it?
Him:  Oh sure.
Me:  Really? (eyebrows raised)
Him:  Definitely (laughter)

I hang up the phone - not really convinced, but hoping for the best.  And what if it's Antique Roadshow valuable?  Our neighbor is old, he lives in a nice area - maybe I'm sitting on a treasure here!

This is what was waiting for me.  It is too heavy for me to lift on my own and it has a plug emanating from the back, implying that this contraption lights up.  Awesome.

The picture sucks, but it's a large wooden diorama of a hunter shooting birds in a Mexico desert.  Both the hunter and his trusty canine companion have become unglued and jostle around the diorama.  

Close up of the pioneer dude, free floating in the bright blue sky,

I'd love to get rid of it, but I couldn't have the neighbor see it in the trash or collecting dust in the garage.  I suggested taking it to Goodwill, but Mr. Insomniac is paranoid that our neighbor will see it and be offended.  He's old, Insomniac, he tells me.  So it's been sitting in our dining room for the past year.  Awesome.

Item 3.

A charming mug.

My mother went college touring with my youngest brother last year to the Southwest.  She asked me what I wanted for a souvenir, and I told her that she really didn't have to get me anything at all.  But she persisted, and so I asked for a small piece of pottery - maybe a small decorative pot or something.  After all, they have those in every shop in town.

So this is what she gives me.  The first time I unwrap it, it looks like this.  Not bad, Mom!  I love the color, it has a nice heft, I'm happy.  I'm envisioning hot cocoa with extra marshmallows.

Then I turn it around.

I blinked rapidly and try to turn my look of horror into a pleasant smile.  Once I got past the grotesque misshapen face, I read the words below.  "Know it all".  My mom pointed it out to me with a chuckle - see, that's you!  So I have an ugly mug and you've insulted me, Mom.  Gee, thanks.

But I do really like the back of it, so I've placed it near the door where it safely guards our pens and scissors.  I make sure to turn it completely around so that I never have to look upon the face of it.  It even survived a fall  last night when DoggyInsomniac knocked it over looking for dog treats.   I guess now the joke's on her.

Item 4.

This is my favorite.  A charming pug figurine from Mr. Insomniac's parents.

Cute, right?  Look at that detail!

Well, he's cute AND he he's useful.

Monty the pug has a place of honor in our living room as he performs the sacred task of safeguarding our remote control.   Now who else do you know that has a pug remote control holder?  No one, that's who.  It's a rare, one of a kind, objet d'art.  

Don't be jealous.  A person can only dream of the treasures that I have.   


Liz said...

I love the show-and-tell.

My mom would totally buy me a mug like that and think she's being hilarious.

Aline said...

OMG. I'm DYING. CRYING. So funny!

The monkey statues are so random.

WeezerMonkey said...

That mug is going to give me nightmares.

Dunc said...

I want a Monty! Guess I'll have to make do with an Oscar...but he's not nearly as useful.

Grace said...

OMG, that mug... grotesque is right.

I can't get over the diorama though and that you still have the thing. Mr. Insomniac is so nice, lol

Ann Marie said...

That mug is going to cause many bad dreams tonight. Monty totally cracked me up though. Now I want my own remote holding pug figurine!

A Feminist Gold Digger said...

This post made me chuckle.

Anonymous said...

I can't stop laughing at the hunter floating in the sky. Love it!