Thursday, July 23, 2009

And it ends with a rim job

First things first...

Sorry for the delays in blogging. Work has been very crazy and on top of that, I misplaced my memory stick that had pics for at least four posts. If I don't find it, I'm going to have to go back to the Hollywood sign and ride another horse. :( But I digress... it's time for some new content!

On Wednesday, my friend Ionic and I went to the famous Bingo night at Hamburger Mary's.

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Hamburger Mary's is located in the heart of West Hollywood and every Wednesday night they have a ribald bingo game at 7:00pm and at 9:00pm . The $20 donation gets you 10 games of bingo and goes to a local charity. That Wednesday the proceeds were going to Reading to Kids, a fun charity that I volunteer with once a month.

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(I like how that Hamburger Mary vixen is covering up the B restaurant grade.) I've never played official bingo, so I was super excited. We were told by the Reading to Kids organizers to get there early, so we got there at 6:15 to make sure we got good seats. And boy did we. Right by the stage.

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But unfortunately Reading to Kids didn't tell us that they didn't reserve a table for us volunteers, so we got booted to the patio. :( Actually it ended up working out great - the weather was nice, and we got a lovely seat outside that wasn't as cramped. But let that be a lesson - if you want to sit inside, make a reservation.

From our seats overlooking the sidewalk, we watched all the people line up. And we also watched this three car accident. It happened just as we were placing our drink orders. Everyone turned and said, oooo!

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Then we went back to our conversations. See? I would have missed all the action if I were cooped up indoors.

The food wasn't too memorable, but the drinks were strong. Order as much as you can the first time you see your waiter, because once the tables start filling up, you will NEVER see him again.

We got double cocktails. Well, I got a double and Ionic got a single, but he brought her a double (and only charged for the single - he-ay!)

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Mine was some sort of melon flavored vodka concoction. It got the job done.

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We also ordered a large platter of nachos which the ideal choice - neither one of us was particularly hungry. I said no olives. Hmph.

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Okay, so let's get down to Bingo.

Things got off to a great start when the woman sitting next to us won the preliminary raffle. She got tickets to some sort of theater performance... sweet! I was supposed to mail her this picture, but I lost her email addresses. Oops.

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There are all sorts of witty callbacks you shout when the caller reads certain numbers.

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"I-29"
"And holding!"

"O-69"
"Dinner for two, sauce on the side!"

When you have only one square left until Bingo, you shout, "It's on!"

The Bingo winner gets a prize bag and all of us surly losers crumple up our crappy Bingo cards and throw them at the lucky bastard and chant, "Pelt him! Pelt him!" as s/he runs around the restaurant. That was the highlight of my evening.

The resulting carnage was impressive.

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Bad things happen when you call a false Bingo - you get paddled by a drag queen with a pretty strong arm.

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The first few games were regular style bingo the way your grandma plays in the church hall.

Then other games got more fancy. Like one round was "I Got B.O." and you had to get Bingo vertically on the B column or the O column. For "Camel Toe", Bingo was a Y pattern on the game card.

One of the last games we played was "Rim Job!" where Bingo consisted of making the square that surrounds the free space.

Here's my Rim Job in process. Not too shabby. A little messy, but I'm nearly to completion.

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Here's Ionic's...

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Guess what? Iconic got a rim job! Well, she and another woman got rim jobs together! The tie breaker consisted of picking a Bingo ball and since Iconic got the highest number, she won. The loser got an item from the "Bag of Crap" as a consolation prize.

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As the winner, Iconic had to run around the restaurant to chants of "Iconic got a rim job! Iconic got a rim job!" while dodging crumpled paper from the envious hordes.

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Here's a shot of her alongside her fun and valuable prizes. Like a spiral notebook featuring Zac Efron.

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Other items were half priced Magic Mountain tickets, Ed Hardy perfume, and a book about pirates. I was incredibly disappointed that there were no condoms or lube. I mean hello?! We're in West Hollywood people!

All in all, a great thing to do in Los Angeles.

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3 comments:

dapotato said...

best. bingo. ever. i wonder if the hamburger mary's in the LBC has bingo night. hmm...

{grace} said...

Hilarious. I drive by the Hamburger Mary's in LB nearly every day.

I'm loving the Zac Efron notebook.

A Feminist Gold Digger said...

The Hamburger Mary's in Newport went out of business. Shocking. :(