Thursday, October 9, 2008

The slanket demystified

So here is my slanket photoshoot, much to Mr. Insomniac's chagrin (he was an extremely reluctant photographer).  I am now fully convinced that he has an adversial relationship with my slanket.  And I'll have you know that it was like 80 degrees in my house and my the time I was finished with all of this, I was practically sweating.  Warning: the slanket is powerfully warming.

As discussed previously in a popular online community, the slanket is a fleecy blanket with sleeves.  It looks like a robe (opens to the front) and is designed for only one person.  I uphold that last part to the best of my ability, but sometimes my slanket gets breached by undesirable elements.

Anywho, you're probably saying to yourself, Insomniac, I have a blanket.  Why do I need some fancy version that sounds silly?

Exhibit A.

Blankets are for crying babies.  Slankets are for consenting adults.

Exhibit B.

Blankets make you act like a baby, even when you've graduated college and probably hold a full-time job in graphic design.  And what's more, they don't provide the necessary coverage and warmth.  Look at this guy - hands and legs exposed.  What type of warmth can he possibly get?    And the whole sorry contraption is being held together with a hair clip.  Inventive?  Sure.  A long-term solution to a serious problem?  Absolutely not.  You want security in your blanket, not something that could fall off at a moment's notice.

Exhibit C.

Now we're getting somewhere.  Look want happens when you give babies maximum coziness in the form of baby burrito blankets, what could only be described as a slanket prototype.  No more crying.  Ever.  Interesting...  But say they wanted to eat some Doritos or check their favorite youtube video.  Impossible.

Enter the slanket.  Available on the website for $44.95 or from QVC for the low low price of $29.96 but there's a limited color supply - sorry, no Texas Tea.

As can be seen from the photo of yours truly, it offers maximum coverage for those chilly nights in Southern California.  It is long enough so you can double the foot coverage if you're prone to feet of ice and your significant other's being difficult and refuses to let you put them on his back for rapid warming.  

Once you have a slanket, everyone wants to join the party.  Last night, my slanket was breached by doggy Insomniac.

He likes comfort too.  And really, who could blame him?

The arms are held securely in the voluminous folds, allowing only the hands to extend outwards to do essential tasks on the computer.  Note the hair clip-free fastening and the 100% coverage.  

Once you become accustomed to the comfort of a slanket, you can proceed to more advanced slanket wearing.  Here I am whipping up a quick batch of Beef Wellington.   Delish!

(Note:  This is a simulated photo.  It's probably not a good idea to actually cook in this.  I don't have much interest in testing the flame-retardant properties of my slanket.)

Hopefully this has answered all your questions about slanket wearing.  Please notify me directly if you need any additional information.


WeezerMonkey said...

OMG. I am crying here.

[wiping tears away]

I think people can hear me snorting.

Dunc said...

You are my hero.

grace said...

I'm picturing doggy Insomniac in a doggy slanket and it's making me LMAO.

He really wants to get in there with you. He is so cute!

jenny1223 said...

One question. Can I get your recipe for beef wellington?

Jared said...

Ok. You sold me. FI will be getting one for Christmas.

Anonymous said...

OMG! You are awesome! I love the simulated cooking, too. HA!

Our Common Cents said...

I think you can singlehandedly pick up the stock market by way of slankets.
Insomniac for president!

marcus said...

hahha, thats brilliant! you crack me up! I've just ordered my moss green one from here. You are a legend! keep on doing what your doing

Liz said...

This was absolutely the funniest piece I have read in a long time.

And, thanks to you, my hunter-green slanket arrived yesterday, and I am currently quite cozy.

dapotato said...

i think you might have convinced me.

dying. dying.

10yearstogether said...

This is such a historical post. lmao!

Diabolina Da Fashionista said...

weemo sent me over since I revealed to her that all I want for xmas is a snuggly blanket with arms like I saw on tv this weekend.

dying laughing right now over burrito babies and graphic designers without long term heating solutions.