Friday, July 30, 2010

Doggy Destructo

An interlude...

Doggy insom loves large stuffed animals. He drags them around, sleeps with them, places them in his mouth and thrashes his head around from side to side... they're his big buddies. But the thing he loves most to do with his big buddies is to rip them apart. Sometimes he'll run upstairs and bark at a closed door. Once opened, he runs inside and grabs his stuffed animal and drags it back downstairs. He loves those things.

His favorite stuffed animal is this large Boxer that we found at Target. Once we saw how much doggy insom loved it, Mr. Insom bought like four of them. Why would he need to buy so many, you ask?

The Boxer starts out like this. Cute, no? We called him Marmaduke.

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The first thing to go is Marmaduke's tail. Then the eyes. Then the cheeks. Then an ear. Then doggy insom rips open the mouth or throat and spews stuffing everywhere, digging into the gaping wound to remove clouds of stuffing piece by piece.

To try and keep Marmaduke in commission, Mr. Insom will perform a series of corrective "surgeries". We call them surgeries because the only needle and thread we have in our possession consists of suture kits.




So Mr. Insom will grab a pair of clamps and instead of doing this



Does this

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Doggy insom sits at his feet, expectantly awaiting the outcome. At times he will place a concerned paw on Mr. Insom's knee, as if to say, please take heed, doctor.

The results are deemed a success because they close up all the gashes, but create a rather Frankendog appearance. Doggy insom is given Marmaduke again and over time, rips him open again. Mr. Insom takes the injured Marmaduke and stitches him up again, but with each surgery the outcome gets worse and worse. The cycle repeats. Mr. Insom gets frustrated at seeing his handwork ripped apart, but I think it's hilarious.

Here's Marmaduke after repeated surgeries. Yikes.

charlo

He basically consists of four legs and a ear. I told Mr. Insom that we should just bring out a new stupid Boxer (I think we have two left), but he insisted could he repair the damage. He's all about rationing the Boxers. lol This didn't even look like a dog anymore.

At any rate, sensing vulnerability (or perhaps making the ultimate play to get a new Boxer), doggy insom went to down on Marmaduke, much to Mr. Insom's chagrin. Poor Marmaduke was on borrowed time and only had three days left.

charlo

charlo

Time of death, 12:18am.

14 comments:

Swank said...

Our dog has the same love/hate relationship with stuffed animals. Sadly, we don't have suturing skills to save them. Therefore, Mr. Swank doesn't like me to buy them much anymore as he feels it's just bringing lambs to slaughter.

amber said...

Can't. Stop. Laughing.

kore said...

Favorite blog post! So funny.

Ours are the same with stuffed animals. Nobody rests til the stuffing is everywhere. RIP, Bert & Ernie dolls.

10yearstogether said...

This is goddam hysterical!!! You know, not sure if you're into this, but I get Sophie and Caleb's stuffed animals at garage sales. Seriously. I'll pick up like 4 to 6 of the sturdiest ones (even if they look kind of janky) and say here, I'll give you $5 or whatever. People are usually thrilled with about $1 a toy. I figure that's only 10-20% of the cost of buying them new ones at Target or pet stores. Just a thought! Doggy insom is so freaking cute.

weezermonkey said...

I love this so much.

cjeanette said...

I am not a pet person and am dying at this post!

dapotato said...

hubs just called from the other room asking why i'm dying laughing.

~JJJ~ said...

This is absolutely hilarious and only one of the reasons why the hubs refuses to let me get a puppy.

Ann Marie said...

This is hilarious. Jack also makes it his mission to tear out every bit of stuffing from his toys. Since neither of us have any sewing skills, his toy basket is now filled with animal shaped rags. He still chews on them.

Tameka said...

Doggy Insom has seriously made my morning. 5 stars for this post! Oh and RIP Marmaduke.

謝翁穎翰毓珍 said...

困難的不在於新概念,而在於逃避舊有的概念。............................................................

Feminist Gold Digger said...

OMG. I just spit out some pita chips and hummus at those last couple of pics, for reals.

{grace} said...

I LOL at how you, or Mr. Insom?, formed the suture needles into a flower shape.

Then I died at the last pics of Doggy Insom. He looks so satisfied. LMAO.

Stormsteed said...

OK, just laugh out loud funny!!! What's even more funny is that I can relate to this whole sequence of events, though I must admit, I am not as patient as Mr. Insom in repeating the repairs. Emmy's favorite toy is the hamburger, and we have 3 of those in backup. She doesn't destroy them, but when she isn't watching, one of her 'siblings' steals it away and destroys it! Then they must suffer the wrath of Emmy.